I was on the tram this morning, it wasn't busy so I was able to get a seat. A woman behind me appeared to be addressing everyone on the tram with some kind of update on her life, in particular her relationship troubles. Although I only had her side of the story to go on so I wondered if this was a question and answer session and turned round to see where the rant was coming from. It turned out that the tram company hadn't decided to have a public speaker service, but that she was talking on one of those portable telephone machines. I have such a gadget and find that I'm able to talk into it at a normal talking volume, in fact I'm a bit shy of using it in too public a place and will mumble a request to call me back in a little while.
During the course of her public breakdown of her life, with someone I assume was deaf, I got an update on her woes.
She LITERALLY died when she found out he'd forgotten to do something. So you came back to life then? Amazing!
Her blood LITERALLY boiled when he was late to meet her because he was in the pub with his friends. No wonder she died, boiling blood can never have a healthy outcome!
She LITERALLY threw him out of the house last week. I'd have loved to have seen this display of strength!
She met his parents and LITERALLY shit herself. There's nothing like a good first impression!
He got drunk and LITERALLY threw up everywhere. Everywhere? In the library? In my house? Were the streets a tidal wave of sick? No!
He'd rather go out with his friends than spend too much time with her. I am not surprised, Literally!
Friday 30 January 2009
Sunday 25 January 2009
Tuesday 20 January 2009
A Lesson To Be Learned
When writing a blog, always remember this:
When you get to the 'preview and post' bit. You will see the instruction Do not press the 'back' button on your browser.
For fucks sake pay attention otherwise you will lose EVERYTHING!
You will never know how good or bad today's blog was now.
When you get to the 'preview and post' bit. You will see the instruction Do not press the 'back' button on your browser.
For fucks sake pay attention otherwise you will lose EVERYTHING!
You will never know how good or bad today's blog was now.
Friday 16 January 2009
Now That's What I Call Top Of The Pops
This year marks the twenty fifth anniversary of the Now That's What I Call Music series of compilation albums. The very first one has been reissued on CD, I have it on vinyl, along with a few others on tape. Its one of the things I look for in charity shops, but I'm nowhere near as obsessed with NTWICM as I am with...
The Pickwick label's Top Of The Pops albums. I have loads of these, and am always on the look out for more. I don't know where this fascination came from, but at least I don't collect train numbers eh? I cannot for the life of me fathom why people bought these in the first place, the songs aren't recorded by the artist and the range of songs is the very reason the word 'eclectic' exists. The downside is that at least one in five albums contains a song by Gary Glitter, but they were different, more innocent times!
The Pickwick label's Top Of The Pops albums. I have loads of these, and am always on the look out for more. I don't know where this fascination came from, but at least I don't collect train numbers eh? I cannot for the life of me fathom why people bought these in the first place, the songs aren't recorded by the artist and the range of songs is the very reason the word 'eclectic' exists. The downside is that at least one in five albums contains a song by Gary Glitter, but they were different, more innocent times!
Friday 9 January 2009
Wednesday 7 January 2009
On The Last Day Of Christmas...
I finally learned the sequence of gifts presented by the true love in The Twelve Days Of Christmas. I had contemplated buying these love tokens for Mandi next Christmas but soon learned the practical aspect would leave me out of pocket. You see, every day he buys a new present AND the same presents from the previous day. So by the twelfth day you would have bought...
144 drummers drumming and 132 pipers piping. Now as a one time drummer I'd love to have a 'drum off' with 143 others, but the pipers piping would grate. Especially considering you'd have 120 lords leaping about the place, outnumbering the 108 ladies dancing, something would get damaged.
To entertain the 96 maids milking, you'd obviously need 96 cows. Which you wouldn't have room in the garden for as you'd have to dig a big pond to accommodate the 84 swans swimming, and 72 geese laying. You only need to walk by a river bank or through a park where geese operate to see how copiously they crap everywhere. I know jewellery is a nice gift, but 60 gold rings is too many for anyone, except Mr T perhaps. To top it off you have 48 calling birds, 36 French hens, 24 turtle doves and 12 partridges requiring their own individual pear tree!
Sod it I'll buy something else, I think I did quite well with her presents.
Yes! To answer your question I worked it out with a calculator.
144 drummers drumming and 132 pipers piping. Now as a one time drummer I'd love to have a 'drum off' with 143 others, but the pipers piping would grate. Especially considering you'd have 120 lords leaping about the place, outnumbering the 108 ladies dancing, something would get damaged.
To entertain the 96 maids milking, you'd obviously need 96 cows. Which you wouldn't have room in the garden for as you'd have to dig a big pond to accommodate the 84 swans swimming, and 72 geese laying. You only need to walk by a river bank or through a park where geese operate to see how copiously they crap everywhere. I know jewellery is a nice gift, but 60 gold rings is too many for anyone, except Mr T perhaps. To top it off you have 48 calling birds, 36 French hens, 24 turtle doves and 12 partridges requiring their own individual pear tree!
Sod it I'll buy something else, I think I did quite well with her presents.
Yes! To answer your question I worked it out with a calculator.
Saturday 3 January 2009
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