There were still a fair number of festive decorated houses when I went for a walk with Jack on January 2nd, inspiring me to come up with a song that sounded great until I got home and realised I couldn't remember it. One of my favourite pastimes as a kid was seeing how much Christmas was left and how long for, houses decorated until 6th January and those items that are missed out such as public Christmas trees still up in towns until well into January. What amuses me is that the decorations are removed and the tree remains, probably the result of some internal work-to-rule within the council. 

I was annoyed to see that a load of household shite had been fly tipped on the pathway near to my house. The sad thing was that this had been dumped on Christmas Day, and it seemed to consist of decorations and a fake tree among a load of clothing and kitchen stuff. I noticed this on Boxing Day morning, which is how I know this was dumped on Christmas Day. Maybe a massive row took place, perhaps prompted by an underdone turkey, and one of the couple decided in a fit of rage that Christmas was over. 

Although I feel, even with my lack of seasonal fucks to give, that it is nice to see a tree up in a sitting room when I walk past, I am alarmed to see that at least three houses on our dog walk had a full on outside light show going on that would shame Clark Griswold on the second. Do you really feel festive so long after the main event? I used to insist on Christmas lasting for the whole period but now I am all done by Christmas Day afternoon if I'm honest.

The above picture summed it up for me, taken just up the road from my house. The pressure of Christmas had obviously been too much for someone who couldn't even be arsed to remove the decorations and just wanted it all to be over. 

The householder came out of the front door and asked why I was taking a picture of his bin. My response was probably not what he was expecting. I told him that I was photographing his festive wheelie bin because it was a work of art and when the binmen (or whatever you call them nowadays - environmental cleanliness operatives or something) chuck it in the back of the truck it will be gone forever and the art world will suffer for the loss. His face was the very definition of confusion.

I'm thinking of getting it printed and turned into Christmas cards.

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I have been doing a weekly video for my Facebook page (give it a like by heading here) in which I do a summary of all the things that I am releasing on that particular Sunday. My co-star in this blog style video is my dog Jack as we do this on our morning walk. Yesterday however, the video took an age to upload, by which time everything had already been released and advertised on social media. The trouble is that I can't upload it straight to Facebook on my phone because I need to add links in the description, even uploading it on my phone first and then editing it on the laptop wasn't happening, the video just didn't seem to want to upload. 

This of course all led to delays as it meant that I couldn't upload the podcast at the same time as this just slowed things down even more. I also had this week's episode of The Random Sessions to upload. The pain here was that my YouTube channel is connected to a long forgotten Hotmail address (how very retro) and the podcast is connected to my current Gmail. Even in 2018 you can't be allowed to sign in to two different accounts at the same time because YouTube is Google owned, I have a similar issue with The Sunday Alternative's Twitter account because I need to do that on the laptop due to the links, photos and tagging. For some reason we can't be trusted to tag photos on phone Twitter nor do we seem to be allowed to sign out of a main account by phone. People have told me in the past that they don't need a computer or laptop anymore but while this sort of shit goes on I can't see how computers will ever be totally replaced. 

All in all today was a frustrating Sunday spent up in my office, thankfully Jack knows when I am sad and knows that all he has to do is take me for a walk and then I'll be happy again.

===

Please make a donation using the PayPal button at the top of this blog. It all goes towards making films, comedy sketches, podcasts, documentaries and more. In return for your generosity I will make everything I create available for free online so that everybody can enjoy it.

My Twitter bio contains the word 'underfollowed', let's try and get rid of it by following me here.

Not a bad year's work to be honest, but as always I want to do more. Yes, I am going to pick this blog up and ignore the fat that I haven't written for ages and I start the year with a look at 2017. I didn't go to as many gigs as usual for some reason, but I hope to find the motivation to get back into the swing of things. The storytelling shows were enjoyable so I want to do some more of those during the Christmas season (planning ahead already) possibly alongside a one-man show I am trying to write about Die Hard and doing some live performances of A Christmas Carol with Lorna to give our album another push.

The biggest change of life cam in June when Mandi and I split up after eight and a half years. While I will always regret the way I went about it (drunkenly telling her I wasn't happy and that we should call it a day), I think I did the right thing deep down. Bizarrely, once the dust had settled we were able to talk it through calmly and have remained very good friends. This is something I have never done before as I never really thought it possible to be friends with someone you have previously had sex with but it is working, in fact it is working so well that we still live in the same house, still go shopping together, still eat together, and still look out for each other. To be honest, we still love each other. As I said, we are still in the same house but this is because I am being choosy (and thankfully I have the luxury of time to be so) because I want just the right place for myself and Jack, who will be coming with me.

So that was my big news and a low key way to re-establish this blog. 

===

Please make a donation using the PayPal button at the top of this blog. It all goes towards making films, comedy sketches, podcasts, documentaries and more. In return for your generosity I will make everything I create available for free online so that everybody can enjoy it.

My Twitter bio contains the word 'underfollowed', let's try and get rid of it by following me here.

Once again I went to the Kimberley Sessions last night to see The Girl and The Stone (I'm grateful to Will Jefferey for the lift to Kimberley) mainly but also Jasmin Issaka (who I only properly met for the first time last night and asked her if she would record a Random Sessions), and Jonny Olley. George Gadd was booked to play but had to pull out due to illness and shamefully I can't remember who replaced him. 

This is turning into one of my favourite gigs to attend as there's none of the shit that can happen in the city centre. Although you do have to put up with a certain amount of talking, the atmosphere is friendly and welcoming and although you're only up the road from the heaving metropolis you could be in a country pub deep in the moors. 

One the way home, (I had a lift from Jonny Olley with Jasmin in the car too) I threw out a casual comment about how much I enjoy live music and said that if I had to choose between getting rid of my records/CDs/tapes or never going to a gig again I would choose gigs. There would also be more room in my house of course. It is an interesting choice to have to make, and fortunately not one that I have to make in real life because if someone knocked on my door to remove my music collection I would murder him/her and bury their remains in the park over the road where I take Jack. However, given the choice for me it would be live music all the way. I posted this hypothetical question on Facebook when I got home and received a handful of comments, none of which really answered my question if I'm honest.

It's a question you could take to all kinds of extremes I suppose, would you not have a kitchen in your house if you could eat out for every meal? Maybe you would need a small kitchen for making hot drinks. Would you get rid of your television to be able to go to the theatre or cinema every evening? 

Would you stop reading my blog if the opportunity to do something far more interesting came along? I fucking would. 

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

An entire packet of bacon in sandwich form, fried not grilled. Okay so I might not live long enough to get a telegram from King Harry (that would be hilarious and should be allowed to happen at least for a day) but at least I know how to enjoy a Saturday morning. I say morning, it was actually about half past one when I sat down with the above sandwich and a cup of tea. This came after walking Jack and so I made him a breakfast treat too using off-cuts of bacon and a boiled egg, who said I spoil my dog?

We had another lazy Saturday and eventually made our way to town to do some shopping and have a cup of coffee out, and when we got back I recorded this week's podcast while Mandi watched Strictly Come Dancing. I haven't paid much attention to this series for a few years, it was something that I used to watch with Emily when she was younger and I drift in and out of it by accident if I'm passing the television while a particularly good dance is taking place. Most of the time as soon as the dance is over and they run to the upstairs bit to talk to Claudia Winkleman I ask Mandi which one is the professional dancer and which one is the 'celebrity'. She usually tells me that the 'celebrity' is a cast member of Hollyoaks, which to my mind doesn't really count as being famous. 

As much as Bruce Forsyth isn't really someone you can really warm to, this was the sort of show he was pretty good at and Strictly isn't really the same without him. He was finding the live shows hard work and it was sadly too apparent that he was declining throughout his final episodes of the show. Brucie isn't in the best of health at the moment but has reportedly keen to make a guest appearance on the Christmas special this year. For someone so keen on the spotlight there is one way for Brucie to pull off the most spectacular stunt of all, he could be the final big name personality to die during 2016, the year of the celebrity death. If he really wants to steal the show he could leave it until Christmas Day, if he times it just right he could pass away quietly at home while the BBC broadcasts the Strictly Christmas special. Not that I want him to die of course because he hasn't done me any wrong, but I think this would be the ultimate showbiz goodbye.

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

Today was one of those Saturdays where nothing seems to happen but the day runs away from you. Even though I like having a lie in and catching up with my sleep it pisses me off when I feel like I have wasted the day and won't get anything done. I like working hard but am also quite lazy and have blasts of both ends where I am extremely productive followed by my desire to go to bed and read a book. There are two books in my unread pile at the moment which is a worry because one of them is quite long (The Age of Bowie by Paul Morley, I'm about a quarter of the way through and Unknown Pleasures: Inside Joy Division by Peter Hook which I haven't even read the back page blurb for). Even worse than that is that there are several unwatched DVDs in my collection (and some unwatched VHS tapes that I rescued from various charity shops) and even a couple of CDs that I haven't listened to. I just don't seem to have enough time these days even though I have managed to train my body to survive on just four hours sleep, which doesn't bother me until those evenings when my body and brain have a meeting and decide to have the evening off and throw the switch at around seven o'clock and send me into the deepest sleep imaginable. 

It took a while to do but I recorded this week's episode of The Sunday Alternative Podcast to put out tomorrow while Mandi was watching Strictly Come Dancing, a programme I can't watch - not because I don't like it but because I get sucked in to such a show and before I know it my podcast recording window has gone down the pictures. I had a brief spell of super organisation and found the ability to record several episodes at once to free up my time but ironically I haven't had the time to keep that up.

Amid all of this palava today, I only realised thanks to one of Mandi's Facebook memories popping up in my notifications (because I was tagged in it) that today is the anniversary of Jack coming into our lives. Three years ago Mandi adopted him from a foster home and brought him in against my wishes. It didn't take long of course for me to change my mind and now I can't imagine life without my boy. The best thing about today was taking him to the park and watching his enthusiasm for running for and bringing back his ball. We don't have a proper birthday for Jack but this is his special day.

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

Picture from Hannah Barbera

While they are on their honeymoon, Mandi and I are looking after our next door neighbour's cats for a couple of weeks. Before we go any further I should point out that I am not promising the most riveting read today. There are two cats, a girl called Sylvia and a boy called Byron, and although I have seen them and interacted with them before they seemed a little wary at first. As neighbours we are in and out of each other's houses, usually to retrieve each other's dogs chasing each other around. There are two cats in both of our houses and we look after each other's cats when we go away. This is the longest that next door have been away so I hoped that the initial wariness would pass. Sylvia couldn't really care less as she just wants me to feed her with little interest in being friends. Byron has been hiding upstairs and because I am a soft touch when it comes to animals I have been taking his bowls of food and water and leaving them on the landing for him. I hope he doesn't expect this treatment all the time. Given how I didn't want pets and never had any inclination to have so much as a goldfish it is remarkable how much I tend to spoil the pets I have. Most Saturdays I buy treats from a stall called Doggy Deli, and take enough for Jack and his girlfriend Foxy who lives next door. The cats also get milk from the fridge every time I make a cup of tea, Jack finishes his food and looks at the biscuit barrel knowing that he'll get a reward for eating his dinner, and we alternate the biscuits between digestives, ginger nuts and custard creams so he doesn't get bored. I have even spoon fed him on occasion when he doesn't seem inclined to eat. As an added bonus of being one of my pets, when I am cooking bacon sandwiches on a Saturday morning I make enough to share out between them all and make Jack a boiled egg because he likes them. 

Rather than just popping in the house and feeding the cats, we have both tried to reassure them by spending a bit of time round there so they get to know us and hopefully trust us. It has worked because now they meow for us when we are in and allow us to stroke them and make a fuss. The biggest relief is that Byron now comes downstairs to eat, which must mean I'm doing something right.

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

I was aware of Hilda Ogden when I was young but can't remember watching Coronation Street on a regular basis until I ended up imprisoned in the four walls of marriage that I found myself in during an unfortunate period of my life, and haven't watched it since. However, it must have figured somehow in my life because apart from knowing the theme music I know who certain iconic characters are/were, such as Hilda Ogden and Bet Lynch. Jean Alexander to me was Auntie Wainwright, the grasping eccentric owner of a junk shop on Last of the Summer Wine, the retirement home for comedy actors. 2016 has once again claimed another. 

Mandi was ill this morning so I recorded the podcast in my office but didn't have time to upload it or do the advertising blast that I usually do before lunchtime. I walked Jack to my dad's for lunch and back before uploading the podcast and doing the social media blast that I tend to do. Listener wise it seemed to have a good amount of immediate hits but perhaps not as many as usual. Even though the listener numbers climb quite steadily during the week, (an advantage The Sunday Alternative has as a podcast rather than a radio show) a lot seems to ride on the first hour of publication. I am still pleased with the way that it is going, especially as today is show number 113 and still going out weekly (apart from a few missed weeks) to a respectably sized audience. Next year I am going to start pitching the original show to radio again as I do miss certain elements, especially the live sessions which is the reason I started doing the show in the first place. 

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

I had a bit of a day off today which I needed to forget about work, although I am still a podcast adrift for tomorrow. For a while I had managed to record a few in advance so that I wasn't pressured but that has gone to bollocks for the last few weeks. We decided to take Jack for a long walk to Highfields Park as Mandi likes to go there in autumn when the leaves are changing colour and Jack likes to feel grass under his feet and run through piles of fallen leaves. 

This was the setting of our first day out with Jack when we adopted him three years ago. On that day he was impeccably behaved and didn't make a fuss around other dogs or even go barking and chasing after the ducks and geese. We let him off his lead and he walked with us and fetched his ball when we threw it for him, not entirely sure why dogs enjoy this activity so much but it is a joy to watch. Another thing we did was leave him outside the cafe while we went in for coffee, we could see him and he sat there like a good boy and waited for us to return. I don't like leaving him outside shops and the like these days as I am paranoid about him being stolen, he also doesn't like being approached by strangers and will bark when someone puts their hand near his face for a well meaning stroke. Back then we didn't know what we were letting ourselves in for and he was no doubt on his best behaviour to impress us as he wanted to spend the rest of his life with us. It baffles me to think that people just used to let their dogs out on their own to have a wander around, I remember as a kid occasionally seeing dogs walking about unaccompanied and dog shit was just a fact of life, something you used to avoid stepping in. I'm not even sure if this is legal nowadays, I certainly wouldn't dream of it with Jack as he is a tad unpredictable and has a tendency to leap around barking when passed by a motorbike or lorry (or van, or mobility scooter, anything really depending on his mood) so would end up injuring himself. 

Having said that, as there were no dogs around I decided to let Jack off his lead and enjoy a bit of freedom. 

Straight in the water, straight back on with his lead.

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

Picture from Psychology Research

As I said yesterday, if you're involved in the Nottingham music scene and have a day job then the clever ones among us will have booked yesterday off work to recover from the Hockley Hustle. Working on Hockley Hustle Boxing Day (as nobody calls it) is not something I want to experience and the stressful world of medical negligence litigation would just have to manage without me. Having two full time jobs, one for money and one for love (with less money involved), means of course that I can never have a simple day off and had planned to spend today in my office playing catch up. 

I had asked Mandi to wake me up before she left for work, (guess the song I sing while asking this favour, every time) so that I could have a good start. I wanted to record a couple of podcasts and catch up on writing the script for A Christmas Carol, along with ploughing through some admin and general housekeeping. At nine o'clock I was up with the lark and downstairs to kiss Mandi goodbye and start my day. It would be some special kind of idiot who took a cup of tea up to the bedroom and got back in bed to check Facebook on the phone, especially as Facebook on a phone is shit in comparison to on a computer like the one waiting for me in my office. It was eleven o'clock when I woke up with an untouched cold cup of tea on my bedside table. This is why I am my own worst enemy, the thought of a lie in was enticing and I obviously needed to catch up on my sleep, but I spent the next hour and a bit thoroughly pissed off with myself. Pulling on some jeans and a jumper that I found on the floor next to the bed, I took Jack for a walk. He doesn't give a shit about my workload, the only thing he enjoys is being outside and I cheered up when he got all excited at the sight of his lead being removed from the coat-hooks. 

Rather than waste any more time I treated myself (and Jack) to a bacon and egg cob from the sandwich shop near my house, and went up to finally crack on with it. Sadly I achieved very little besides recording this week's podcast but maybe it is nice to spend some quality time doing nothing?

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

Picture from Toonhounds

I have been working pretty hard just lately with several plates spinning and I am not even sure it will be worth the effort. The short film I started has been at the mercy of roadworks for a while, I have been recording podcasts galore in order to have them in the bank, I am still answering emails about the Hockley Hustle and trying to get the information from artists that I asked for in June, the radio play hangs on a thread and once Hustle is over I have the cassette launch gig. All weekend I have been falling asleep at the most random times, luckily when I'm at home. 

On Saturday I dozed off for a bit in the evening before going to the gig, and on Sunday morning I woke later than I wanted to which caused me some stress as Sunday morning is reserved for the podcast release. The latest episode gets uploaded the night before (usually) so all I have to do on Sunday is the advertising blast on Facebook and Twitter. Uploading the recording to the Internet Archive and sorting the blog page with the photographs and hyperlinks takes too much time, especially if I sleep late. Mandi goes swimming on a Sunday morning so the ideal scenario is to do it while she is out, again this doesn't always happen as I tend to fall back to sleep. Being able to fall back to sleep with Jack by my side is too tempting so I am my own worst enemy really. 

Once we returned from my dad's after lunch I was feeling fresh and alert and decided to pull my finger out and get on with some proper work. Even if I managed to chisel my way through the mountain of emails then I would have achieved something at least. I think I read three emails before my eyes got heavy, so I went downstairs to do some Sunday-ing and ended up falling asleep on the sofa to such an extent that I woke up this morning on the sofa still fully dressed and aching from having slept in a weird position. Funnily enough it was the best night sleep I've had in ages despite, and I slept so deeply that I can't have noticed the discomfort until I woke up and tried to move. 

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

Mandi decided to go on a shopping trip to Ikea with my dad today which sounds like my idea of hell on earth so made a to-do list of catch up jobs and decided to be the most productive I had been in ages. Turning forty has provoked a desire to work as hard as possible and be as creative as I can be, even if an ungrateful audience don't return my generosity by donating. My day didn't go entirely to plan due to not waking up when I wanted to, I had rather ambitiously planned to get up at nine o'clock but Mandi woke me at half past eleven. To set myself up for the day I took Jack for a long walk and fed him, and then fried myself up a whole packet of bacon to eat in sandwiches for breakfast. Once I had eaten two sandwiches and read the paper with a cup of tea it was getting on a bit and I saw my productive working day slipping away from me, probably caused by all the oil used to fry the bacon. Determined not to totally piss away a day to myself to work I went up to my office and wondered if the climb up two flights of stairs was going to be worth it.

It was as if a switch was flicked inside me once I discovered my motivation, and somehow I managed to record two editions of The Sunday Alternative (one for tomorrow and one for next week), the Hockley Hustle podcast and two more tracks for the Christmas album. This surprised me as usually the podcast is quite time consuming but I had spent time in the week listening to new music and saving usable (not shit) songs in folders and recording two means that I have next Sunday's one in the bank. I have a gig next Sunday night and have promised Mandi I would not do any work next Saturday so this is a win all round. The Hockley Hustle podcast will go out on Monday September 12th, and although it will count as a Sunday Alternative podcast it won't be numbered, so today I recorded 107 and 108, and next week will record 109 and 110. As the music I am sent often comes with a release date quite far into the future I might have days from now on where I knuckle down and record several editions to keep the weekend as work free as possible. 

Of course the crowning glory of my intense day locked in my office/studio was recording two new Christmas songs for this year's album. Just in case anyone gives a shit, the songs are 'Wonderful Christmastime' and 'The Most Wonderful Time of the Year'. What's that? Nobody gives a shit? In that case I won't reveal that I am planning to release a third Christmas album next year.

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. (Bank Holiday Special)

The latest episode of The Random Saturday Sessions is here.

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

Bank Holiday Monday, the day that freelancers decide to knuckle down and be productive. My plan was to get a couple of podcasts in the bank and also record some tracks for the Christmas album, if there was enough time left over I have a couple of press releases to write so how best to kick start a nose to the grindstone kind of day? Up early, light breakfast and up to the office. That is how I optimistically imagined my day going, somehow at the age of forty years and two days old I didn't know myself enough to realise how this whole scheme was utter bullshit. 

I fell asleep on the sofa last night still fully dressed including my trainers and woke up in unbelievable discomfort at about six o'clock. Perhaps this is when I should have taken Jack for a walk and embarked on my epic day of work instead of getting undressed and going to bed. Rather than choose a relaxing Sunday night to unwind after being away from home overnight, I left the house just before ten o'clock to catch The Most Ugly Child closing a weekend festival at The Lion, a pub that isn't exactly my local but a mere tram ride away. These days I am not much of a drinker and find my tolerance has dropped but over the weekend I had more than my usual quota, possibly helped by some over-eating to line the stomach. Last night I managed to drink three pints of Guinness and stay sober until the exact moment I sat down on my sofa. 

As a result of all this decadence (or what passes for decadence now I'm a middle aged man) I fucked today right up. By the time I had taken Jack for a walk, gone back out to the shop for bacon and bread, eaten an entire packet of bacon in one sandwich, read the paper and found the motivation to get my arse in the office it was about three o'clock. My main job was to release the Bank Holiday Monday edition of the podcast and it wasn't until later that I remembered that I hadn't put out a Random Saturday Sessions video. Productive my arse.

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This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. (Bank Holiday Special)

The latest episode of The Random Saturday Sessions is here.

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

I can't think of a time in the whole of my pre-dog life that I ever went for a walk for no reason. I am usually walking with a purpose in mind, be it a trip to the shops or to someone's house, but never for the sake of just walking. Now of course I have Jack and he loves going for walks with no agenda, although he does go to the toilet when we're out so even he has a reason of sorts. Does anyone walk for leisure? 

Today I decided that I was going to take Jack for a pointlessly long walk as having a dog with you gives you the perfect reason. Nobody looks at you funny when you're walking the dog, having said that, do people look at you funny when you're walking without a dog? How do they know you have no purpose? Do I read too much into things? 

Mandi had a few bits she wanted to do in town so we walked from our house to the canal and walked along until we got to the retail park where we stopped at Costa Coffee for a drink. As long time readers of my blog will know I am not a massive fan of chains but there's nothing else around and besides, Costa went up in my estimation for what they did at Christmas, even if it was just the one branch. As we had Jack with us we sat outside but the weather was pleasant enough for this, and the staff were kind enough to give us a bowl of water.

It was getting dark by the time Jack and I headed off for the intended walk along Trent Embankment but we weren't going to let that put us off. We carried on along the canal tow path for as far as we could before crossing over at Trent Bridge to go along the river. By the time I could see the river my head was clear of all of my problems and worries and a strange feeling came over me. It was a feeling I didn't immediately recognise, calmness. I don't afford myself the opportunity for calmness anywhere near enough so this was a moment to treasure. The rain came and the two of us were soaked through but it didn't matter, you can only get so wet before you don't feel as though you are getting wetter. As Billy Connelly put it, there's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothes. 

I could have stayed all night just watching the light reflecting off the water and the rain making ripples. It wasn't pissing it down, just enough of a pour to get you wet but neither of us were going to give up. Originally I had wanted to visit the little lake area over Wilford Bridge that I discovered with Emily a few years ago but it had flooded somewhat and it was cut off, besides a lot of its isolated beauty was ruined by the new tram line and the fact that there's a stop there now. For some reason I thought I could walk beyond this point and end up near the University, enabling us to walk home along the boulevards but I was way off as the signposts for the university turned out to be lies and we ended up miles away. We did the only thing we could do, turned round. My WI-Fi was turned off and I had no signal so I wasn't tempted to check my phone once for the whole day, not even to check the time because it just didn't matter. By the time we got home I felt a strange feeling of total relaxtion and didn't even worry that this week's podcast wasn't recorded. 

My legs ached so much I could barely move them, which came in handy because Jack wasn't going anywhere in a hurry.

Please read my January newsletter here.

The Sunday Alternative Podcast #70 is available from here.

This week's episode of The Random Saturday Sessions with Alexa Hawksworth and her magic changing guitar is available to watch here.

 

2016 began with me sitting alone eating a microwave curry with only the next door neighbours attempting to sing 'Auld Lang Syne' breaking the silence as I contemplated my apparent new life as a single man. We have been together seven years and although I had been single for a bit before that it isn't something I am comfortable with but Mandi was adamant that we were finished. I waited until around half past one to take Jack for a walk not realising that there would still be fireworks going off, although he was a bit jumpy and barked a lot at first he soon calmed down. Yesterday's spectacularly shit end to 2015 had exhausted the both of us, as we had attempted to talk through our problems and I slept until five o'clock this afternoon with nothing to get up for. I didn't even have Mary Poppins to help start the year due to an almighty fuck up from the BBC.

Even though I didn't have a great deal of the day to get through today was a strain as I tried my best to avoid Mandi. This wasn't difficult as I stayed in my office and only walked through the front room to go out for a cigarette at various intervals. Eventually Mandi asked that we sit down and talk about things and I agreed to seek professional help. I am not the same person she met seven years ago and I don't want to keep being a negative force in our lives as all I am doing is driving a bigger and bigger wedge between us. We used to laugh all the time and have fun but these days not so much. It is telling that my career has built up during the time we have been together which may or may not be a factor and one of the things she keeps telling me is that I take on too much. I kept saying that I don't need professional help as my problems arise when things go wrong (the recent issues with our home Internet putting the mockers on my intended release dates of my four part podcast being the latest). It is true that I am happiest when working on a good idea but as soon as I am let down or something goes wrong then I blame it on being cursed and go into a depressive episode. I'm not sure if being a workaholic is something I can prevent or curtail but I suppose if it is turning me into someone that my partner of seven years doesn't recognise then I have to try. As soon as I agreed at last that I do need to see someone about counselling I felt better. Perhaps 2016 is my last chance before I turn 40 to fix myself and in doing so fix the things that matter.

Please read my January newsletter here.

The Sunday Alternative Podcast #69 is available from here.

This week's episode of The Random Saturday Sessions with the brilliant Lisa De'Ville is available to watch here.

Back to work yesterday and I had to crack straight on with recording this week's podcast for tomorrow. Actually when I say 'cracked straight on' I of course mean after I had taken Jack for a walk and had breakfast. Although Mandi doesn't want me to use lard I have scored a small victory by bringing a bottle of cooking oil into the house for frying bacon and eggs with, so much more like it than that silly spray stuff. Besides, I like to have at least half an inch of oil in the frying pan to enable the food to swim around in comfort and not get stuck, and don't give me all that 'none-stick pan' bullshit either - that's just fairytale talk. There's nothing quite like dipping a slice of white bread in the frying pan while you wait for the bacon to cook and having a slice or two of fatty bread, you can't do that with spray stuff. I do a couple of extra rashers for Jack and boil him an egg as a weekend treat, perhaps I spoil him but rescue animals deserve to spend their autumn years being spoilt by a loving family to make amends for the life they have suffered. Jack didn't suffer as such but I don't think he had a lot of affection and he was fucked off as soon as his previous 'dad' got a new girlfriend who didn't like dogs. Maybe there were no women in his vicinity who did like dogs? If I was single and a potential new relationship wanted me to get rid of Jack I know who I'd choose.

Anyway, yesterday I recorded The Sunday Alternative Podcast but did very little else. There's an increasing pile of paperwork on my office floor that needs distributing into various lever-arch files or boxes but I look at it and all the 'arsed' leaves my body and runs screaming for the hills. I didn't do the uploading yesterday as I should have done but I soon managed it this morning before doing the necessary advertising blitz. After lunch at my dad's I stayed on a bit while Mandi took Jack home as I wanted to go over the videos that my dad has been editing for The Sunday Alternative Live and The Random Saturday Sessions, they are looking good, it is especially nice to finally be getting some of the Maze gigs online. 

Today I looked at my wish list of projects for next year (although most of them will inevitably fall by the wayside like usual) and have decided not to bother making a film about The Sunday Alternative to celebrate the fifth birthday in September. It would be too time consuming and a bit of a ballache to do properly and I am not even sure how I would present it. Part of me wanted to act as an egotistical exaggeration of myself and big it up too much but I tried that persona on NottinghamLIVE and nobody got the joke, that just leaves a documentary with very little footage besides the live performances. I would have liked to have involved past co-presenters but they would either show up late or simply not bother. Later on I had a better idea, an all day gig to mark the anniversary on Sunday September 11th 2016 and believe it or not, I already have some bands booked. Here's the Facebook event, why not put it in your diary when you've bought a new one?

The Sunday Alternative Podcast #64 is available now from here

Please read my November newsletter about funding for new projects.

This week's episode of The Random Saturday Sessions is here. 

Before going to the trouble of even taking my shoes off last night, I made an almighty fuss of Jack. We arrived home just before midnight and my dad had dropped him off a couple of hours before and fed him, unpacked his bed and cuddly armadillo (you read that right) and generally gave him time to get used to being back home so he wasn't overwhelmed when we returned. Thankfully he was pleased to see us as I was worried about how he would react to us having been away. He doesn't even like it when he is left on his own for a minute and although he is used to my dad's house and company I did wonder if he would think we had abandoned him. 

There's no place like home as the saying goes, but for some reason I could feel myself un-relaxing in the time it took for the tram to carry us between the station and our stop. I love city life but would love it even more if the city had a beach, and not so many cunts. 

I deliberately didn't do any work today as I wanted to squeeze as much none-working time out of the week as I could. Today was a 'filter day', in which we have time to spend at home instead of going straight back into the swing of every day life. Of course there's the weekend to act as a buffer between time off and returning to work but my weekends seem to be more chaotic than ever, in fact I go back to my day job to rest. Neither of us wanted to go out apart from to walk Jack but I felt as if I had missed a trick when I realised the date. Friday 13th is the luckiest day of the year for me usually, the one day that my curse guardian fucks off and leaves me alone, I think all the curse guardians have their annual general meetings on Friday 13th. Tomorrow I have a podcast to record so I am expecting to be electrocuted by the computer or the house to fall down but today is my lucky day and I'm not going to worry about that now.

The Sunday Alternative Podcast #63 is available now from here

Please read my November newsletter about funding for new projects.

This week's episode of The Random Saturday Sessions is here. 

Today was a day to make a determined effort to get some work done as I have set myself a deadline of sorts as we are going away next week and I want to be able to actually have a proper holiday. It is our seven year anniversary on the 8th November which sadly is the day we are travelling but never mind. I'm too busy really for holidays and don't like staying still and being lazy, so a holiday in which I do nothing is a novelty for me. I'm always on the lookout for an angle in whatever I do; would this make a good podcast or online video? Can I do something with this? This is why I have a photo blog containing nothing but pictures of Skittles on a plate separated by colour, because I am always trying to be a conceptual artist. I have owned a kazoo for ages but it wasn't until I found it in a draw that I suddenly decided that I was never going to shut the fuck up about the kazoo for the rest of my life and try to style myself as one of Nottingham's most famous kazoo player. To me it is amusing and as I have said before, as long as I find it funny, it's funny. 

The main job of course was to record this week's podcast for tomorrow (number 62, blimey) which seemed to take ages for some reason, and I also recorded and immediately released a special mixtape podcast to preview tomorrow night's gig at The Maze which is the final one of the year. I had been up quite late as last night I was watching Chas and Dave and procrastinated a little over writing the review as I didn't sit down and write it until I had taken Jack for a walk, eaten a pizza, and watched Eastenders on iPlayer and by then it took me a while to get motivated. Situations like this called for action, so I listened to their latest album That's What Happens (two years old already - where is the time going?) followed by one of their party sing-along albums from my childhood and the words just poured out of me. 

Very little poured out of me today sadly as I woke up later than I wanted to and by the time I had taken Jack for a walk before frying myself a couple of bacon and egg cobs to have while reading the paper motivation was quite thin on the ground. It's fortunate then that I had taken a picture of my breakfast (like those Instagram types) for a Facebook event I had hastily set up a few days ago to try and stop everyone worrying that bacon causes cancer, because it meant that I had to go up to my office to go on the computer to upload the picture because I had taken it on my 'proper' camera rather than my phone. Once at my desk I was okay and got a bit done, it wasn't the work I couldn't be arsed with, it was the journey from the sofa to my office. Maybe it's good for my creativity that I never became rich and famous because then I would have a bigger house and the sofa would be further away so the work would dry up. Of course if I ever reach that level (I won't) then I could just buy a sofa for my office.

The Sunday Alternative Podcast #61 is available from here.

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October Housekeeping

Donations have slowed down a bit and this has had an adverse effect on filming plans. Ideas are waiting to become reality so please do consider making a donation using the PayPal button above.

In return for your gift I will make entertainment that I will put online to be enjoyed free of charge by everyone. Comedy sketches, documentaries, short films and podcasts are waiting to be made so dig deep.

You get 365 blogs a year, a weekly podcast and a forthcoming Nottingham music podcast (at Christmas) free of charge already.

Some ways to help:

You can have a kazoo cover dedicated to you.

Beat the 5p carrier bag charge here (and check out other goodies)

Download my audio books here.

Picture from Cinematic Reactions

We get given the gift of an extra hour in bed once a year and we squander it somewhat, or do we? In this fast paced world in which we live, an extra hour of sleep is something of a godsend. We (like most people I imagine) do all the clocks before going to bed and obviously we are never sure if phones and the laptop change automatically (laptop does, phones don't), so when we wake up we are in synch with the time of day. Having this happen on a Sunday makes sense as it is a day to not rush getting out of bed, maybe that's how it started having experimented with midweek. 

I woke up a little later than I should have done (even with the extra hour) and had to rush about doing the podcast promotion prior to being a bit late going to my dad's for lunch. There's always a feeling of having a time bonus as whatever time of day it is you know that 'in real life' it is an hour later. It's a shame I couldn't have used the time more productively really, everybody should use the winter clock change to spend an hour doing something nice. Next year I will just sit and listen to music or read a chapter or two of a book, things I don't seem to find the time to do, in the case of music I mean purely for pleasure as in sitting down and listening to a proper LP, I listen to music every day as part of my work. I won't of course, I'll use the hour to sleep and moan about the fact that in the summer when the clocks go forward we will lose an hour in bed, although we won't of course because it is Sunday.

After lunch we walked Jack home and once back in the house we generally pottered for a while, the listening figures were pretty good so I caught up on some emails and admin until I suddenly came over all tired and fell asleep on the sofa for a bit. It was as if the change of the clocks had fucked with my brain and given me a bizarre form of jet lag. At least I will sort it out by tomorrow and life will return to normal until spring.

The Sunday Alternative Podcast #61 is available from here.

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October Housekeeping

Donations have slowed down a bit and this has had an adverse effect on filming plans. Ideas are waiting to become reality so please do consider making a donation using the PayPal button above.

In return for your gift I will make entertainment that I will put online to be enjoyed free of charge by everyone. Comedy sketches, documentaries, short films and podcasts are waiting to be made so dig deep.

You get 365 blogs a year, a weekly podcast and a forthcoming Nottingham music podcast (at Christmas) free of charge already.

Some ways to help:

You can have a kazoo cover dedicated to you.

Beat the 5p carrier bag charge here (and check out other goodies)

Download my audio books here.

Picture from Elite Pro Performance

Before I begin today's episode in my dull yet occasionally entertaining life, I forgot to thank my dad in yesterday's entry for the part he played in my Hockley Hustle. He filmed several of the acts and generally kept me calm, or at least tried to. 

Having learned my lesson last year when I had to sit in a courtroom with a hangover and not enough sleep, I decided weeks ago that I would book 'Hockley Hustle Boxing Day' (as nobody calls it) as a day holiday because even though I didn't drink to excess, I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on legal stuff after such a big day - I can barely do my job in normal circumstances. I wasn't going to waste the day though, there is no such thing as a day off these days when you do two jobs, one for love and one for money, especially when the 'love' job is the one you prefer. 

Today I had intended, to use one of my dad's expressions, play hell with the big stick today work-wise and knuckle down in my office to crack on with reducing my frankly ridiculous to-do list. Although I didn't quite achieve everything I wanted to (this is why I won't die young, no time) I did get some important stuff out of the way such as recording this week's podcast and (finally) the first edition of the Nottingham 2015 podcast which will be released on Christmas Eve morning. I am also now only one chapter away from finishing the audio book of Bowie Day (a short story inspired by A Christmas Carol). Jack seemed to enjoy the fact that I was home all day too as it meant we could go to the park and play fetch with his favourite ball. The park still makes me nervous after what happened on Good Friday this year but it isn't fair to deprive Jack of a good run around. As I haven't got round to buying a bike lock I wrap his lead around the gate quite tightly and stay almost rooted to the spot to keep a look out for people approaching with dogs. 

My only regret is that I made no progress on the recording of further tracks for my much anticipated Christmas kazoo album. I bet Bing Crosby wasn't this disorganised.

The Sunday Alternative Podcast #59 is available from here

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October Housekeeping

Donations have slowed down a bit and this has had an adverse effect on filming plans. Ideas are waiting to become reality so please do consider making a donation using the PayPal button above.

In return for your gift I will make entertainment that I will put online to be enjoyed free of charge by everyone. Comedy sketches, documentaries, short films and podcasts are waiting to be made so dig deep.

You get 365 blogs a year, a weekly podcast and a forthcoming Nottingham music podcast (at Christmas) free of charge already.

Some ways to help:

You can have a kazoo cover dedicated to you.

Beat the 5p carrier bag charge here (and check out other goodies)

Download my audio books here.