Picture from Bio

I imagine that for a songwriter there comes a certain point when you finish writing a song unaware (or possibly cynically aware) of the fact that they have just created a song that is going to continue to make money long after the initial chart success is over. Robbie Williams probably knew that his 1998 hit 'Millennium' had a potential future resurgence on New Year's Eve the following year, although Prince might not have written '1999' with the same intentions but it did get dragged out again. The big pay day of course is the Christmas hit, even the shit ones get shown every year on the music channels and the big hitters such as Slade, Wizzard, Shakin' Stevens and George Michael (not to mention Irvin Berlin's estate) pulling in royalties worth an estimated half a million pounds a year. 

Aside from Christmas songs there is also the occasional bit of good luck such as a piece of music being used in an advertisement or film, especially if the film is regularly on television. Football is another good earner, especially if used as the theme for competition coverage ('Bitter Sweet Symphony' by The Verve must have been a pisser for the band given that all the money from that song goes to the Rolling Stones), and a good World Cup song will always return to radio during the tournament ('Three Lions' and 'World in Motion' being the most obvious ones that spring to mind). 

While we might be jealous of those songwriters clever enough to strike it lucky as far as the royalty cheques, maybe we should spare a thought for those who might have rubbed their hands in anticipation only to have those hopes of a boost to the coffers cruelly snatched from them. 

The 2016 Olympics were held in Rio and the BBC used 'Not Gonna Break Me' by Jamie N Commons in the trailers, I can't remember what ITV used or even if they broadcast the competition. There is one band who have every right to be thoroughly pissed off and that is Duran Duran. Okay so the lyrics to 'Rio' don't exactly match, but they could have used the instrumental version as everyone knows the name. BBC1 is currently broadcasting Planet Earth 2, the sequel series to the original from 2006. Another kick in the teeth for Duran Duran who jointly take the writing credits and could have had turkey for Christmas. Perhaps there is someone at the BBC who hates Duran Duran (or one of the individual members) and gets a sick thrill out of depriving them of a payout. 

I've just checked the TV listings and I am going to keep an eye out for the upcoming nature programme Hungry Like the Wolf and see what happens. 

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 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

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As my interest in Christmas has deteriorated over the last few years, Mandi has seemingly stepped it up a gear as if to try and remind me how wonderful the festive season is. I suppose I can put up with her wanting to be all Christmassy because it is only for a small percentage of the year, she isn't one of those people who wants to leave the decorations up all year long neither does she want to watch Christmas films throughout the year. Actually I do still enjoy the films, the films and the food. More on this subject in just a moment.

Last night was our first night in Brighton having arrived around lunchtime and amazingly found the hotel without any bother. It's a lovely little place that I would recommend to anyone going to Brighton, Hudsons is a Victorian terraced house that somehow seems bigger on the inside than you would imagine. The room is lovely and light, clean and warm and there doesn't seem to be anyone else staying here. We haven't seen the owner since we checked in so it is like our own house. Once we had unpacked we decided to explore the town to get a feel for the place and on the way back to the hotel spotted my ultimate nightmare. Here is where I come back to the subject of our differing opinions on Christmas.

This is a real pub where it is presumably Christmas all year long. Mandi loved it but I felt as though I was trapped in a nightmare, a nightmare you can't wake up from in which you are in a pub that has really gone overboard with the decorations and there isn't a non-Christmas song to be heard. Behind the bar was a young lad dressed as an elf, I've seen some humiliating work uniforms before but this would have had me fleeing the job interview straight away, although I have to admit that he seemed perfectly happy to be there. Maybe he really loves Christmas. While we were in there (our visit was cut short by them running out of proper beer) the jukebox vomited out the usual cavalcade of tunes that you aren't supposed to hear yet; Shakin' Stevens, Mariah Carey, Slade, and of course Wham among them. Candy canes were on every table and the stage was set for karaoke but thankfully that took place after we had left the premises as I don't think I could have coped with that too. 

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Everybody Knows That The Bird Is The Word

On Sunday 20th December 2009, I was finally proved right after years of writing about the power of the download. In 2007, I wrote about how significant this was to the music business. The rules changed in January 2007 allowing songs downloaded legally to count towards a chart position. During the run up to Christmas that year, the official chart had all the classic Christmas songs in; Slade, Wizzard, Andy Williams etc. See for yourself. There was even a facebook movement, (possibly the first of the kind) to subvert the traditional domination by the winner of X-Factor by downloading ‘Fairytale of New York’ to Christmas number one.

The problem as I look back on it is that it was all too early. I was ahead of my time thinking that people would fully understand the concept of the download as a source of power. I have said it before and I will say it again; the download rule was THE most important thing to happen to music.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO HAPPEN TO MUSIC.

This ruling should have ended the dictatorship of the Simon Cowells, Don Ardens and Colonel Tom Parkers of the world. The possibilities were endless, yet we the public have let them get away with it. What we had was the power to subvert. There should have been all sorts of delightful nonsense going on in the charts in the name of irony; ‘Agadoo’, ‘The Birdie Song’, Anita Dobson’s ‘Anyone Can Fall in Love’ or the entire back catalogue of Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers. On a more serious note, unsigned bands should have made more of this rule, especially given the rise in social networking websites in the last three years.

Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!

The strongest contender for this years undermining of The X-factor is a song from 1963 that did not enter the British charts until 2008, when it hobbled up to number 50. the reason for the popularity of ‘Surfin’ Bird’ by The Trashmen is of course due to it featuring in four episodes of Family Guy, the most famous one (that everyone remembers) being I Dream Of Jesus. As someone who has always been a fan of this song from before the bandwagon came rolling into town, I do find it a touch irksome that it is now seen as ‘that song from that episode of Family Guy’. On the other hand, as it didn’t chart in 1963 then it is lovely to see a supposedly obscure song receiving the attention and accolades that it deserves.

At the time of writing, the facebook group devoted to this cause has 570,447 members. Providing that everyone downloads ‘Surfin’Bird’ once, then there is a good chance that The Trashmen will be this years Christmas number one.

So finally, the public have spoken up against The X-Factor and made a stand. Last year was remarkable as the nation gathered around the radio on that Sunday afternoon to listen to the charts, mostly people who hadn’t done so in years which made it all the more special. Even more special by the way that twitter and facebook kept the whole country in touch with each other, as we set about making a mockery of mainstream pop music. As soon as the opening DAAAANG! of ‘Killing in the Name’ kicked in, we cheered an event worthy of a street party.

As I wrote here, the history of the Christmas number one is a strange and varied one. The rose tinted glasses brigade tend to lament the lack of an actual Christmas song in the top position, but if you go through the list you see that non-Christmassy songs far outweigh the sound of sleigh bells.

The facebook campaign to choose an alternative Christmas number one has entered into our collective conscious as a festive tradition in its own right. Along with turkey, tinsel, trees, the Coca-Cola lorry and It’s A Wonderful Life, if you were to compile a book The I-spy Book Of Signs That Christmas Is On The Way, you have to mention facebook.

Now that my prophecy of 2007 has become true, and everybody now understands how the download rule works now, is it not time to have a Christmas song at the top? We have a lot to choose from after all, and not just the obvious ‘compilation album’ favourites of Slade, Mud and Shakin’ Stevens. Now that Doctor Who is big news (and appropriate given how the BBC rests the Christmas day schedule on it), why not ‘I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek'? Or how about Bing Crosby? Judy Garland? Something from Muppets Christmas Carol, such as this lovely song? Something from the legendary Phil Spector’s Christmas Album?

Or, a new song altogether? Surely, a Christmas song can be written to top the festive hit parade. Would that not work?

As long as it isn’t Cliff!