When I hear the words 'unlimited' and 'breakfast' in the same breath I see it as nothing more than fighting talk. Mandi had suggested we experience the delights of the breakfast on offer at Beefeater, only a short tram journey away from us. They have a well known low budget hotel chain attached to the premises (we didn't see Lenny Henry) so the place was busy when we arrived and were asked which room we were staying in. Part of me considered giving it try and brazenly telling the waitress a room number just to see if we ended up being waved in. On the other hand she might have asked to see our room key and made us look silly and borderline criminal. Richard Herring once said on Have I Got News For You (and originally said it on the Collings and Herrin Podcast) that you can just walk into a Holiday Inn during breakfast and help yourself because nobody checks, I have never checked this out but it is believable in the same way that some people are brave and cool enough to turn up at weddings and funerals just for the food and drink afterwards. Mandi is far too honest for this kind of capering so she would never have allowed me to carry out my evil plan. I keep forgetting to go into Burger King to try out their so-called bottomless soft drinks from the self service machines by taking the cup home with me and bringing it out to town and just walking in and grabbing a free Coke whenever I feel like it and nobody is watching.

I would have preferred a breakfast buffet where I could have piled my plate high with a potentially hazardous array of pork related treats but instead the unlimited breakfast was ordered at your table. Of course I didn't want to appear greedy so I only ordered four bacon, two sausages, two eggs, two hash browns, beans, and tomato. Once I had finished that I had two slices of toast and marmalade and a bowl of fruit, to counter act all the fry up stuff and cleanse my system so there is no danger. I also had several glasses of orange juice and about four cups of tea. By rights I could have ordered the whole meal again, or asked for a plate of bacon, or just asked them to walk a pig to my table and let me eat it alive but to be honest I was a bit too full. I reckon it was the bowl of fruit that did it. 

Mandi had a selection of pastries, yogurt, fruit and various other healthier options and the whole thing rang in at around £15 which although not a bad price it made me wish I had pushed it a bit further. If it had been a buffet that I could have kept going back to I would still be sweating bacon fat next weekend. 

The dining area was full and as a result it was very difficult to attract the attention of any members of staff, not to criticise the staff because they were friendly and helpful (we go here a lot so know a few of them) but surely there's someone in charge who should realise that they need extra members of staff when there are more customers. If that's the worse complaint you can make about a place though, you are doing well and I will be back to make a better attempt to test the 'unlimited' concept out.

===

 This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. 

The first edition of The Random Sessions Podcast is available here.

Thank you in advance for donating using the PayPal button at the top of this page. It all goes towards creating podcasts, sketches, documentaries, films and more, all of which I will make available for free in return for your generosity.

It’s been a long time since I did a review for The Nottingham Evening Post (as I still call it), and even longer since I went to Glee to see a live comedy show. I had already bagged the review of Richard Herring’s latest tour We’re All Going To Die last year and I had been really looking forward to it. He didn’t come to Nottingham during preview season last year, so this was a totally new show for me. The main tour is usually at the Playhouse so I wasn’t sure how a comedy club audience would cope with one of Herring’s themed shows, but thankfully it was full of fans of his work who knew what to expect.

Richard Herring deserves a bit of credit for being something of an innovator over the last few years, as he has opened up the possibilities of podcasting as a comedy medium. Ever since the Collings and Herrin podcast he has been exploring new avenues to getting work out there. This was a huge influence of the way I’m doing things with podcasts and using the Internet as a way of cutting out the middle man, the middle man being commissioning editors. I have all sorts of ideas running around my head that I hope to get out there this year that I will do a good job with and set them free over the World Wide Web to be enjoyed by whoever wants to enjoy what I throw out. The ‘telly’ version of The Sunday Alternative is something that I am currently trying to get off the ground, and if it works I might stop doing it on the radio to free up some time. Also at the end of next week I’ll be meeting a comedian friend to discuss plans for a series of comedy sketches that will be released on either YouTube or Funny or Die once a week.

I think I have hit on a pretty good system for financing these little projects, by relying on donations to make these things happen. In return I promise to put these things out for free, and to make no profit from it. The money isn’t as important to me as the end result of my creative endeavors being seen or heard.

One big disappointment has been the campaign on Indie Go Go to raise money for the documentary about The Sunday Alternative. There isn’t long to go and I have only made five pounds. I’m grateful to whoever donated it, but it means that the money for the documentary now has to come out of the blog donations instead. The knock on effect of this is that I might not be able to put on the free screenings of the finished film.

===

My daily blog can be delivered straight to your Kindle for 99p a month (link)

If you’ve enjoyed reading this blog, please consider showing your appreciation by way of a donation using the PayPal button above this blog. Every penny will be used to create free online content. There are currently plans underway for a comedy sketch series, an online cookery and music show, a video version of The Sunday Alternative, and plenty more including documentaries, short films, and podcasts.

Toys R Us And The Misheard Lyric!

I almost feel as though I am shattering the youthful memories of 30somethings everywhere, but I am going to share this tale with you anyway!

Since December 1st, I have been posting in my facebook status a youtube link under the title Advent Calendar Of Memories. So far, I have linked to a 1981 Woolworths advert, a clip from Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em, Max Headroom singing, and the Irn Bru advert spoofing The Snowman.

Last night, after listening to this weeks Collings And Herrin podcast, I went trawling around YouTube. I showed Mandi a collection of “do you remember this?” moments. As I am searching out Christmas clips, Mandi suggested a Toys-R-Us advert. You remember the song? "There’s a magical place, we’re on our way there…"

I then attempted to start the classic conversation. The conversation that has dominated pub discussions since I do not know when.

Why in the jingle did they declare there’s millions of Geoffrey all under one roof?

We have wondered about this for years, maybe we were all resigned to the fact that we would never find out the truth.

Then Mandi shattered my (and now your) lifelong quest for the answer.

The ‘Geoffrey’ in question is the giraffe. A mascot for the store. The correct line is actually there’s millions SAYS Geoffrey all under one roof.

Strike me down!

See for yourself now you know the truth, here is the advert for you!