BBC

Eastenders is the only soap I bother to watch these days; Coronation Street and Emmerdale remind me of the prison sentence that was my marriage when I exchanged a hedonistic lifestyle of partying (not to mention my career) for seven nights a week watching the most mind numbing television so I can't bring myself to watch them nowadays. I watched Eastenders before we met so I stuck with it once I managed to escape. People have a go at it for being depressing but there are elements of humour (sometimes rather dark I'll admit) hidden within the bleak storylines. One of the problems the show comes up against is that focussing on the same community for thirty years they inevitably need to re-visit old storylines. The Carter family for example have recycled so many past situations that I'm expecting Mick to get shot by someone carrying a bunch of daffodils any time now and return in a few years time when the writers once again go with a storyline about a dead character not really being dead (they brought in Kathy Beale last week). Not that I am disparaging the actors involved as they have all done a great job, in particular I acknowledge how much I underestimated Danny Dyer when I first wrote about him joining the programme. 

The two episodes that have aired this week seem tame in comparison to last week when they celebrated their thirtieth birthday by inserting live scenes in the lead up to a totally live episode to climax the 'Who Killed Lucy?' storyline. They did a live episode to reveal Archie Mitchell's killer to celebrate twenty five years, my money is on 'Who Killed Bobby?' in five years time and it will probably be Reg Cox who did it.

Lessons have been learned from the last attempt at a live episode, presumably they spent time scrutinising all of the mistakes and not just Scott Maslam's spectacular stumble over his lines. Perhaps staging the odd live scenes throughout the week was good training, with the only fault being the one occasion where they spent too long cutting between a live and pre-recorded scene causing a Police Squad style freeze frame. That and Joy Joyner asking Jane how Adam was, but we are all aware of that by now. Most of the cast are experienced in theatre so performing live is something an actor is supposed to be able to do, the advantage being that Eastenders has people who can act - imagine how chaotic a live Hollyoaks would be, imagine the worst school nativity play you have ever seen. In the early days most television output was live so the actors had no choice but to get on with it.

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The art of creating a truly endearing comedy character is to make sure that you don’t stray too far away from reality. Alan Partridge is a brilliant example of this rule; that can be heard on radio and seen on television in many forms, mainly Richard Madeley. Not just Madeley but any number of local radio presenters and regional newsreaders. Ali G was clearly influenced by Tim Westwood but the character is also plain to see at every bus shelter, white kids trying to talk like black rappers and looking ridiculous (and borderline racist) in the process. Television comedy has endless examples of characters that make you think that you have seen them in real life, I’m sure that any East London pub will tell you that the original inspiration for Del Boy is alive and well in their local, and everyone who has ever had a dead-end job in an office will recall a real life David Brent. If you have worked in an office and don’t remember a Brent, it was you.

I once worked in a traditional northern Working Men’s Club when I lived in Teesside, and remember discussing the television series Phoenix Nights the day after every episode. Although Peter Kay’s stand up career nowadays only caters for the terminally gullible who don’t realise that he is essentially ripping them off, his series That Peter Kay Thing was a brilliantly observed piece of writing. Most realistic of all was In the Club, the pilot episode of Phoenix Nights, and as a former employee of the C.I.U. (Club and Institute Union), I can vouch that every single character and situation was frighteningly true to life. Harry Enfield’s sketch programmes were also well observed; Smashy and Nicey was every Radio 1 DJ (surely it is time for an Operation Yewtree episode), Kevin the Teenager is my daughter last year, and Lee and Lance were every gobshite tradesman that we have ever had the misfortune to employ. The Fast Show was slightly more exaggerated, but I’m sure that Bob Harris watched the jazz club sketch with a smile.

The series Bo Selecta was a work of genius, totally unrealistic when it came to the characters but hilarious and at the same time very clever. Leigh Francis has not only damaged his reputation but has also wiped out the intelligence of the three series of Bo Selecta by introducing the character Keith Lemon. He must have information on someone high up in television as he is everywhere. It wasn’t so bad when Keith Lemon was just a character in a show for simpletons (Celebrity Juice) and you didn’t have to watch it, but ITV have invested so much in this joke free creation that it has taken on a life of its own. ‘Keith Lemon’ presents programmes in character and appears on chat shows, the line between the performer and the character is fading away.

When it comes to unbelievable, unrealistic characters though, it would take a lot to beat the worst one of the lot. I don’t even know the name of the actor/comedian who created this caricature of a cor-blimey-apples-and-pears-cock-er-nee geezer, and gave him the name Danny Dyer. Although I have never seen the sketch show or stand up act that the Danny Dyer character was first seen, the character is now doing panel shows in character. It was bad enough when Barry Humphries used to go on chat shows as Dame Edna, but at least we knew and were in on it. A brilliant example of a real life chat show host talking to characters was Clive Anderson Talks Back when Peter Cook was all the guests for one episode. There was once a The Office style ‘mockumentry’ sitcom about a punk rock band called Towers of London, the series ran briefly on one of the higher number cable channels to a small audience. As had happened before with spoof comedy parody bands like Bad News, Spinal Tap and The Darkness, Towers of London started doing some gigs, then something really brave happened. The actor who played the role of Donny Tourette (a twattish punk singer who tries to be all swagger) went into the Celebrity Big Brother house. Appearing on panel shows is one thing but this poor sod now had to spend twenty four hours a day in character, not an easy task. He did mange it somehow, although he left early due in part to the arrival of Jade Goody and her unbearable mother, avoiding all the racism shitstorm that followed. (This was after ‘Jade is a thicko’ and during ‘we love Jade’, but it led to ‘racist bitch’ until it was time for ‘brave cancer Jade’ before the final chapter ‘rest in peace the legendary Jade Goody'; a brief cycle of tabloid hypocrisy there).

Spending all of your time in character, especially a comedy creation, can’t be easy. The actor/comedian who plays Danny Dyer has apparently signed up to star in Eastenders as the new landlord of the Queen Vic. I am curious as to whether he is playing it as the Danny Dyer character (cockney geezer, back story as a film star who appears in Happy Shopper versions of Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels as a cock-er-nee hard case, has appeared on panel shows too), or if the papers got it wrong and it’s the actor who plays Danny Dyer appearing as a different role. It would be a good chance to prove he can act.

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