Reports have surfaced again in the press about people dressed as clowns attempting to lure children into woodland in South Carolina. It has got to the point where the police have issued a warning that they will arrest anyone dressed like a clown in order to end this saga. It is thought that this might be a publicity stunt to promote an independent horror film, which as far as I'm concerned doesn't make this situation any better. It is this sort of behaviour that gives clowns a bad name and causes people to grow up afraid of them. Clowns used to be a child's first introduction to comedy and the lovable innocence of these people is something to celebrate not run away from. Who could fail to love the antics of the circus clown with the custard pies, big shoes, funny car and the bucket of confetti? Clowning is a tradition that goes back hundreds of years, the 'fool' or Court Jester in brightly coloured dress can be traced to Medieval times. Of course the jester wasn't always a barrel of laughs, you only have to refer to the fool in King Lear, reminding people that they weren't as clever as they thought themselves and contorting their speech to undermine authority. In the middle ages a jester who couldn't make the monarch laugh ran the risk of having their face cut and mutilated in order to maintain a false smile - a possible inspiration for The Joker? 

Not exactly giving a boost to the clown's PR was the French performer Jean-Gaspard Deburau who in 1836 went so far as to kill a child by hitting him with his walking stick for heckling and was finally acquitted. It wasn't until the growth of pantomime as entertainment in Victorian times that saw clowns develop into children's entertainers, usually standing at the side of the stage to throw sweets to the audience, a custom that still isn't as commonplace in today's panto due to health and safety concerns (really). As a result clowns became a huge part of family entertainment. So in conclusion clowns are good, not evil.

Apart from Jean-Gaspard Deburau of course, but the rest of the clowns are lovely.

Oh and Stephen King's character Pennywise in IT of course, he is a bit of a wrong 'un with his tempting children down drains to kill them, but apart from him and Jean-Gaspard Deburau, clowns are lovely. 

Oh yes, John Wayne Gacy. He was a bit of a bad lot too, what with all those teenage boys he raped and murdered during a six year spree in the 1970s and all the other people he sexually assaulted from 1968 onwards. He wasn't a proper clown though, although he doesn't have Pennywise's excuse that he's a fictional character. 

Apart from those baddies, clowns are good and I want to start a campaign to improve the public image and eradicate coulrophobia for good. How about if I recruit a group (or 'shudder' to use the correct collective noun) of clowns to partake in a series of PR exercises designed to improve their image. We could stand outside schools handing out sweets, okay maybe not standing outside schools handing out sweets, that shit gets frowned upon these days. How about if we all ran into a crowded public place such as a cafe on a Saturday afternoon making lots of noise and throwing custard pies around? That wouldn't scare anyone would it? 

I've got it. A group of clowns (also collectively known as a 'pratfall') assemble in town centres and spend the day doing good deeds; helping old ladies across the road, carrying your shopping, feeding the homeless and picking up litter. That would work, that would show the world that clowns are wonderful. Wouldn't it?

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This week's edition of The Sunday Alternative is here. (Bank Holiday Special)

The latest episode of The Random Saturday Sessions is here.

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