I think we can all agree that 2020 has been nothing but a continual bedpost against the little toe and that we should be allowed to write it off and start again next year. Creatively it hasn't been too bad of course, it would be nice to be allowed out to do some of the filming that I had planned to undertake this year, but it has given me time to go through my archive and release some previously unseen/unheard material (unless you were there or listening to the radio of course).

The timeline to the Coronavirus is extremely scrambled in my mind, all I know is that although it has been about three months it seems longer and now every day just feels like the arse end of the Christmas holidays. It wasn't until I thought about events in some detail that I remembered that the toilet roll shortage was a part of this situation, nobody understands why of course, maybe people thought that this mystery virus caused violent diarrhoea. It seems such a long time ago because anything that happened before lockdown could have been a million years ago.

I remember thinking that everything and everyone was a bit hysterical about a virus that had no chance of being problematic, as did other people, and getting annoyed when gigs were being cancelled. In the week of Monday 9th March I went to two gigs and filmed an episode of The Random Sessions and nobody seemed too bothered by the impending crisis. The phrase 'self-isolating' was already part of our vocabulary, but it was something other people did, the big girls blouses. Walking through town I spotted the place getting quieter and more paranoid while at the same time an air of dismissal also blew around. The last episode of The Random Sessions was filmed on Tuesday 17th March, incidentally also St Patrick's Day, and people were still out and about. A gig I was due to go to on Saturday 21st was cancelled and lockdown happened on Monday 23rd.

By now we had another phrase, 'social distancing' and suddenly shit got real. From thinking that this was all a bit of a fuss, I now realise that we were in the midst of an actual problem and starting taking it seriously. At the time of writing the lockdown has been softened and the papers have been full of people queuing to get into the stores, for some reason Primark has been used as the big example. I personally am not going to rush out because there have been too many people who either ignored or didn't fully understand social distancing. We have already seen crowds of people on the beaches and parks, a massive crowd of people on Westminster Bridge clapping the NHS and missing the point, and VE Day street parties. This is going to lead us into a second wave of the virus (which a certain section of society will blame on the Black Lives Matter protests) and hopefully the knock on effect will be a stricter lockdown. I understand the need for businesses to re-open, especially the independents who don't have a massive cushion fund behind them, but if the staff and customers in supermarkets haven't realised that the virus probably also travels sideways then the crowds in Primark or Sports Direct are going to be dangerous.

'New normal' is another phrase that is used now, and I worry about the future. I can't imagine face-masks leaving everyday use on public transport or in shops, and as much as I fancy going to the pub again I don't like the idea of screens and limited numbers. Once the Hop Merchant re-opens (if it does) then I should be okay filming The Random Sessions but even that will have to have a different approach.

Earlier this year, before lockdown, I finally got a divorce. It is fourteen years since I escaped and I have written before about my experience as a victim of coercive control so I don't want to go into it again. However if I can take one good thing from those dark and depressing days it is that I am well practised for this year's conditions - can't go to the pub, can't pursue my career and can't see friends. I've been here before!

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