Some time ago I was fined for riding a bicycle on the pavement, a fine which I paid without contest as I knew that I was in the wrong having decided that it would now be quicker for me to carry on although the cycle path had ended than it would be to join the road. The roads in certain parts of Nottingham are not legally governed by the usual laws; an amber traffic light indicates that the driver should speed up to beat the red light, if they manage it they get the pleasure of arriving at their destination anything up to four seconds ahead of schedule. For this reason I felt safer breaking the law and riding on the pavement than I did on the road. This feeling increased after I was hit by a car and spent a night in A&E, when I followed it up I was informed that the driver had not committed an offence; knocking someone off a bike is not an offence under Nottingham’s alternative Highway Code (I once saw a learner driver stop at a red traffic light, as he did it in Hyson Green, he failed his test). What the police meant when they told me this was basically ‘he was a foreign driver in an unroadworthy, untraceable car, frankly we couldn’t be arsed’. It appears that certain activities that were once considered crimes have now been quietly legalised for the convenience of the police.

Whenever I see someone cycling on the pavement I refuse to move and point out that they should be on the road. 

I have tried to find the paperwork for my fine but must have thrown it away once it had been paid as I didn’t see the merit in keeping it with my financial papers; presumably I paid it in cash. Had I found it I would have sent it back to the police for a refund seeing as these things aren’t a major worry for the police. Maybe they keep the papers archived at the station so they might be able to trace my case (doubtful, they can’t even arrest the bastard that knocked me off my bike). I’m an easy target because I work hard and pay tax and am registered to pay council tax.

There are three key points that need a zero tolerance approach from the police. It is pointless issuing fines because a false name and address can be given, so immediate action is the only way. The three key points are cycling on the pavement, litter, and dog shit.

If the police had the gumption, they could announce a zero tolerance approach that would send a clear message. All they need to do is give advance warning that there will be no bleating about human rights, no comp-en-say-shun-innit and no excuses nor exceptions. The police drive around in vans on random operations and stop anyone cycling on the pavement. Bicycles are permanently confiscated and the cyclist is put in the back of the van and taken to the station where he or she will spend 24 hours in the cells and be let out with no court case, just a criminal record and a lifetime ban on owning or riding a bicycle (a similar rule should apply to drivers who stop halfway across the crossing, ignorant of the line in the road). The same goes for dog owners allowing their pets to take a dump on the pavement with no effort to clear it up (or not having the dog on a lead in a public area); the dog is taken away as you have just proved that you are an unfit owner, you spend 24 hours in the cells and are banned for life from having a pet. Any pet, not even a goldfish. People dropping litter would follow the 24 hours lock up with a lifetime of having to spend at least one day a week picking up litter and repairing vandalism under supervision.

Little things like this will send a message that making a mess is anti-social and that it is not something you will get away with. We also need something doing about leaving furniture outside on the street instead of making arrangements to have it collected. I know someone always takes it for his or her own use but that isn’t the point.

In 2012 we had the chance to vote on whether or not Nottingham should have a Mayor but unfortunately the apathy disease struck everyone and not enough people made the effort to leave the house and make the only sensible vote. Although Nottingham regrets it now, it is too late. I would have run for Mayor and turned this decaying city around within six months (if I’d won). Be proud of your decisions Nottingham, and be careful out there because the pavements are dangerous.

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