This is a genuine letter I
have written to Marks and Spencer head office.
To Whom It May Concern
It is a long standing family
tradition that I have carried on into adulthood, the annual visit at Christmas
to M&S to purchase the Christmas biscuit tin (and its contents of course –
I don’t just buy the tin) to show off to my neighbours that I have bought
something from your shop. To be fair, I don’t actually invite my neighbours
round as I don’t like them (they have a home delivery from Iceland so I don’t
think they would fully appreciate the gesture) but we still buy them anyway and
have built up a rather handsome collection of tins. As a working-class person,
I look forward to being allowed into your emporium once a year.
I am sorry to be writing to
you to report a problem. Today I entered your store on my annual visit and was
shocked at what I found. I know you don’t like allowing the working classes in,
so I was surprised to see that you have seemingly converted your food hall into
what looks like a common supermarket. If we wanted a common supermarket we can
shop in one any day of the year, so why have you done this? We like M&S
because it is a posh shop, so if you have undertaken this ‘make-under’ for our
benefit then it is entirely the wrong thing to have done.
It is my hope that this is
resolved in time for next Christmas, and the food hall is returned to the appearance
of a posh place that makes us all feel a little bit out of place and inferior.
Today’s visit made it feel as if it wasn’t worth taking my suit to the dry
cleaners, (incidentally, there were people in your establishment today wearing
denim and trainers, what are you paying your security guards for?).
I look forward to my visit in
December 2014 and normality being resumed.
Yours faithfully
Steve Oliver
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