I'm sure everyone is familiar with the expression 'laminate five'. For the uninitiated, it is a list of five famous people that you are allowed to have sex with, with no consequence to your relationship. The 'laminate' part comes from an episode of Friends, in which Ross Geller went to the trouble of laminating his list. My girlfriend Mandi and I have openly discussed our lists on several occasions, and are confident enough in our love and commitment to each other to have such a list in the first place, which is of course based on fantasy. According to the rules of the list, if the opportunity should arise to have sex with one of five pre-selected famous people, then the other half of the relationship cannot complain, can never use this indiscretion against them in a future argument, and cannot leave their partner citing infidelity. It isn't that complicated, although naming people from your workplace might be considered an abuse of the list and its allowance.

So before I continue, my girlfriend's laminate five are, Johnny Depp, Jon Bon Jovi, James Martin, Freddie Flintoff, and David Bowie. Johnny Depp is the equivalent of a man having Zooey Deshanel, far too obvious and probably unavailable in the long run. I actually ditched Zooey for that reason, the queue would be far too long. I do wonder how this works from the other point of view. If one of your laminate five is happily married with a family, and you turn up on the doorstep politely requesting some carnal pleasure, is the celebrity's husband/wife legally bound to allow you to get on with it? That would be terrible.

One of my laminate five is the comedian Andi Osho, and I was reviewing her gig at Glee last night. We were meant to be doing a phone interview on LACE but it didn't happen, but last night I was reviewing for The Nottingham Evening Post, (as I still call it). Mandi came along to the gig with me, partly because she was feeling slightly wary of fact that I might just go through with it. Not that I would be in with a chance.

Andi recognised me from Twitter, and earlier in the evening I had tweeted that I was going to the gig and said that Mandi was coming with me so I couldn't play my laminate five card. She tweeted back about getting a list of her own, but it wouldn't work as she is single. Maybe she wanted to get the single point across? I always go backstage for a quick hello with the comedians, and I made a point of bring Mandi backstage too. When we were in the dressing room, I felt a bit weird knowing that Andi knew I fancied her, and that I was with my girlfriend and therefore couldn't do anything. Actually, legally I could have asked Mandi to wait outside while I fulfilled one of my list, and technically she wouldn't have been able to kick up a fuss. I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't be that easy in real life.

Obviously Mandi is the love of my life, and I have never known anyone like her. She is intelligent, witty, generous, and loving, and is also the sexiest and most beautiful woman I have ever shared a bed with. There are times when I think she's a bit out of my league, a feeling I haven't had with anyone else. I'd be stupid to ask her to wait outside a dressing room while I had sex with someone famous, so I'll be leaving her at home next time.

(That last line is a joke, I hope that is understood).

The gig review will be in tomorrow's edition of The Nottingham Evening Post (as I still call it), and is online today.