When I hear the words 'unlimited' and 'breakfast' in the same breath I see it as nothing more than fighting talk. Mandi had suggested we experience the delights of the breakfast on offer at Beefeater, only a short tram journey away from us. They have a well known low budget hotel chain attached to the premises (we didn't see Lenny Henry) so the place was busy when we arrived and were asked which room we were staying in. Part of me considered giving it try and brazenly telling the waitress a room number just to see if we ended up being waved in. On the other hand she might have asked to see our room key and made us look silly and borderline criminal. Richard Herring once said on Have I Got News For You (and originally said it on the Collings and Herrin Podcast) that you can just walk into a Holiday Inn during breakfast and help yourself because nobody checks, I have never checked this out but it is believable in the same way that some people are brave and cool enough to turn up at weddings and funerals just for the food and drink afterwards. Mandi is far too honest for this kind of capering so she would never have allowed me to carry out my evil plan. I keep forgetting to go into Burger King to try out their so-called bottomless soft drinks from the self service machines by taking the cup home with me and bringing it out to town and just walking in and grabbing a free Coke whenever I feel like it and nobody is watching.
I would have preferred a breakfast buffet where I could have piled my plate high with a potentially hazardous array of pork related treats but instead the unlimited breakfast was ordered at your table. Of course I didn't want to appear greedy so I only ordered four bacon, two sausages, two eggs, two hash browns, beans, and tomato. Once I had finished that I had two slices of toast and marmalade and a bowl of fruit, to counter act all the fry up stuff and cleanse my system so there is no danger. I also had several glasses of orange juice and about four cups of tea. By rights I could have ordered the whole meal again, or asked for a plate of bacon, or just asked them to walk a pig to my table and let me eat it alive but to be honest I was a bit too full. I reckon it was the bowl of fruit that did it.
Mandi had a selection of pastries, yogurt, fruit and various other healthier options and the whole thing rang in at around £15 which although not a bad price it made me wish I had pushed it a bit further. If it had been a buffet that I could have kept going back to I would still be sweating bacon fat next weekend.
The dining area was full and as a result it was very difficult to attract the attention of any members of staff, not to criticise the staff because they were friendly and helpful (we go here a lot so know a few of them) but surely there's someone in charge who should realise that they need extra members of staff when there are more customers. If that's the worse complaint you can make about a place though, you are doing well and I will be back to make a better attempt to test the 'unlimited' concept out.
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The first edition of The Random Sessions Podcast is available here.
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