It might seem like a petty thing to get upset about, but when you have a condition such as depression the triggers can be anything that goes against you. Not that I was in a full on depressive episode yesterday, but I felt down all day as a result of missing the Goose Fair opening ceremony. Although I doubt that the Lord Mayor was really going to thank me for saving the (the) mushy pea stall, I still wanted to go along and I couldn’t shake off the feeling of upset all day. Once my dad had gone yesterday lunchtime I took Jack for a walk and set about doing some work, I had planned on working this afternoon anyway so once I’d walked Jack and eaten I was pretty much back on schedule. If my mind hadn’t been full of missing one of Nottingham’s biggest occasions I might have finished recording the Nathan McKenzie audio book, but I kept fucking up and having to start again. In the end I recorded three chapters and the epilogue, deciding to do the epilogue to give me a chance to take a break from one particular chapter that I just kept tripping other. I got through it in the end but I’ll be glad when the whole thing is complete.

When I have finished recording this I have to go straight onto another audio book collection of Dickens stories and follow that with Bowie Day. I’ll be glad to be done with audio books now as the whole job is exhausting.

Mandi keeps trying to get me to stop working so hard as she is worried about the damage I might be doing myself, (my dad thought I’d had a heart attack yesterday and it’s something Mandi is always bringing up), and how the work doesn’t seem to make me happy. I’m grateful to be in a relationship with someone who lets me do my own thing and pursue my career, especially after being locked in marital prison and wasting so much time not being creative, but I am aware of the fact that I do neglect Mandi on occasion. It goes back to what I said the other day about not enjoying the process of making something but taking pride in the finished result, and Mandi can’t understand why I would do something in the first place that on the face of it isn’t making me happy. She has a point that I am taking on too much but in my opinion that is better than not working. I thought that by not doing three radio shows a week I would have more time to commit to other projects, or even some leisure time, but I have just taken on more things to do. The podcast doesn’t take too much of my time but bringing back IMHO could perhaps have waited. There is the fact that IMHO doesn’t actually pay me anything because it’s my own thing, but by doing it for free I am able to write with complete honesty, and the PayPal button is there so hopefully something will come of it. I don’t really get motivated by money though to be fair, I’m just happy to be creative and to have people see my work.

We’re going to the fair tonight; some mushy peas should cheer me up.

===

My daily blog can be delivered straight to your Kindle for 99p a month (link)

Listen to The Sunday Alternative here

All donations received via the PayPal button above will be used to fund creative projects such as podcasts, short films, documentaries, comedy sketches and a whole lot more. You are under no obligation of course, but thanks in advance if you do drop something in the pot.