I have only really just cottoned on to the No More Page 3 campaign and while I do understand the reasons for it, I wish to offer an alternative opinion. NMP3 are keen to remove the regular photograph of a topless model from page three of The Sun (and presumably any other gutter press tabloid that does the same) or to at least keep the paper out of the eye line of children. The latter wish is fair enough, in the case of the first point I imagine that a simple ‘don’t buy it’ has already been offered at some stage. I don’t buy The Sun so therefore Page 3 doesn’t exist, problem solved. Not to try and side with the paper, but the thinking behind Page 3 was presumably to cheer up the readers in a world of bad news, after all if something is going to bring a smile to your face it is boobs, works for me. Magazines such as Nuts and Zoo have also incurred the wrath, with supermarkets now displaying them behind a protective barrier so that innocent eyes can’t be offended by the sight of a woman in her bikini. Again, as supermarkets are a place where families go together, this is a good idea because children should not be subjected to this and young boys should not be taught that women are simply there to please the eye. Pornographic magazines are stocked on the top shelf out of harm’s way, although I am baffled by what people get from a magazine in the age of free Internet porn, it all seems very analogue.

‘Exploitation’ is a word you sometimes hear used in this debate, however I don’t think that Page 3 girls or any topless models are being exploited. They are acting on their own free will; nobody captured them and made them do it. Besides, last time I saw The Sun I noticed that the Page 3 girls are invited to cast their opinions over the news, sometimes quoting the great scientific, literary and political minds of all time, so thick bimbos they are not.

Page 3 has its knockers of course (pun very much intended) but let us remember that The Sun (to single one paper out) is aimed at a certain type of person, NMP3 is being very generous in its reference to The Sun as a newspaper but I will ignore that. So while I agree with NMP3 in theory, in practice I am worried about the potential next stages in this crusade. So let’s imagine that The Sun stop carrying a Page 3 girl, the gutter tabloids that (unbelievably) fall below The Sun on the quality scale would have to follow. Fair enough, I don’t read them so it doesn’t bother me. The ‘lad mags’ would be next, again as a non-reader it wouldn’t matter to me, (although I did used to read FHM when it was a high quality male lifestyle magazine, which happened to have the occasional semi-nude among the articles) but would the success spur them on to cover up the chest altogether? The painting illustrating this blog is one of thousands of paintings of nudes that are available to view in the world’s best art galleries; will NMP3 turn their attention to them too?

Paintings like this demonstrate the one point (or two points, snigger, sorry) that nobody seems to have the courage to say; boobs are a wonderful thing and they make people happy. I am well aware that they are essentially just bags of fat designed to fill up with milk to feed the baby, and in common with train sets, although designed with children in mind they are enjoyed by grownups too. If you were to ask me why men (and women) love breasts I wouldn’t be able to give you a satisfactory answer, they are just bags of fat that happen to look and feel very nice. Although it might be time for the papers to stop having a topless woman apropos of nothing on its pages, my fear is the demonisation of boobs and nudity in general. The human body is a beautiful thing, (not always I grant you) and it should be enjoyed. Do we want to live in a world without topless sunbathing, skinny dipping, naked Twister, and putting your face between your partners boobs as a temporary relief from depression? Do we want to live in a world where putting a jumper on is part of foreplay? I don’t and I hope others don’t either.

A world without boobs would be a far sadder place. Get them out of newspapers, but please don’t stop getting them out.

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