When the news first filtered to me (I don’t spend every minute of the day connected to social media as I find it distracting) that BBC3 was under threat of closure, my first reaction was that it is about time that the dopey channel was put out of its misery. After all, if the idiot classes still want to watch brainless television they are catered for by ITV2.

It is certainly the case that television is made for idiots by idiots the majority of the time, and getting rid of BBC3 is a move in the right direction to lessening the amount of brain rotting disposable programming that is beamed into people’s homes. When Bruce Springsteen sang of ’57 Channels and Nothing On’ he was spot on, of all the channels available to us, how many of them do we actually watch? I’m sure there’s a market for When Shopping Trolleys Go Psycho and Plastic Surgery Disasters: I’ve Got a Vagina on My Forehead, but is it because these programmes are worth watching, or is it because they are on so people watch them because they aren’t clever enough to turn over? The quality of television could be vastly improved by axing at least fifty channels straight away and simply adding the worthwhile shows to other channels; for example E4 could let Channel 4 have The Cleveland Show and close down. If all the cookery programmes were taken and broadcast only on Good Food then at least we would know where they are, and the subscribers could chose whether or not to have that channel as part of their package. Another channel could only broadcast shows to do with moving house, decorating the house, and selling the house, an especially good idea if it means that annoying Kirsty woman can be eradicated from my television.

BBC4 and Sky Arts 1 are the only channels that are seriously worth watching at the moment, especially when it comes to music programmes. Looking at the music channels, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be a problem to do away with them all apart from a couple. Vintage TV plays a brilliant selection of music videos and programmes, and they seem to be the only ones not catering for the ‘yo-innit’ brigade. One channel is surely enough for ridiculous kiddy  music, and while we’re about it I think it is time for MTV to change its name given that it stands for Music Television, and they only broadcast no-brainer reality shows (another genre of shows that needs to be capped).

In the case of BBC3, it only broadcasts from 7pm until roughly three o’clock in the morning, yet if it was to have a quality check then it could get away with less than that. Maybe they should condense everything down and just broadcast at the weekend. You can record television programmes now so there is no need for Eastenders to be shown at 10.30pm, and Family Guy and American Dad are on FX. If you sweep away the lowbrow rubbish for the brain-dead from the BBC3 schedules, (Sun Sex and Suspicious Parents, Don’t Tell The Bride, Snog Marry Avoid, anything featuring Russell Kane, Nick Grimshaw and Greg James) then what is left over isn’t too bad. It wasn’t until I looked into it that I realised just how much quality comedy had come from BBC3, as opposed to quantity, thankfully they seem to have given up showing the dire Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps and giving work to Will Mellor (a talented enough actor but by no stretch a comedian).

Although originally radio shows (a far superior medium), The Mighty Boosh and Little Britain were first seen on BBC3 before being shown on the proper BBC. There’s a long list of BBC3 comedy showson The British Comedy Guide, a lot of shite obviously but some gems among them. Some of them were broadcast in the early days of the channel when digital television was a bizarre novelty watched by four people, but were given a bigger audience when shown again on BBC2. Just recently there has been Uncle, and most shocking of all there was Bad Education, shocking because it was a funny and watchable programme starring Jack Whitehall. In the past there has been Grass, 15 Stories High (not as good as the Radio 4 version which was lighter in tone), Rob Brydon’s Annually Retentive, Gavin & Stacey, and Nighty Night, most of which I didn’t see on BBC3 but on the ‘proper telly’. The reason I didn’t see them on BBC3 was because of their reputation for producing crap. A reputation built on the fact that the channel is responsible for inflicting Horne & Corden, Two Pints, Sweat The Small Stuff, and their insistence on showing programmes featuring the Lee Nelson character (BBC3’s very own Keith Lemon). They also need to stop employing children’s television presenters to present Glastonbury related programmes and use serious music broadcasters (I did offer).

The plan is to make BBC3 an online only channel, so it isn’t the end. As the channel is aimed at the generation that watches television programmes on their phones, laptops, and tablets, why such a fuss? The way that people watch television nowadays has changed since people used to have to sit and watch a programme or miss it, and BBC3 is reflecting that change.

As a minority channel, there is of course the possibility that BBC3 are simply embarking on a clever bit of ‘negative marketing’. It helped BBC 6Music to gain listeners and secure its future after all. Today BBC 6Music is one of the most important stations on the network and certainly carries the best choice of music. Obviously their recruitment department wants shaking up, but that is the only problem.

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