I spent ages last night putting music on my MP3 player for my journey north today, only for it to freeze before I had even left Nottingham. It wouldn’t move so I couldn’t press stop, couldn’t switch it off, or make it skip a track. All I could do was put it back in my pocket and wait for the battery to run out, which was especially successful as I had left the charger at home. There’s always something I forget to take with me, mainly because I always try to travel as lightly as possible and I knew I’d packed a charger but thought I’d packed the multi-purpose charger instead of the one that only does my phone. Once I was safely on the train I started to worry about what else I could have forgotten. I always wait until it’s far too late to do anything about it before I start worrying; anything that wasn’t in my case now was just tough luck. When I leave the house I have to make pen marks on my hand to remind myself that I have done each thing you should do, unplugged the iron, fed the animals and topped up their water bowels, switched things off, locked the door. If I have the marks on my hand then I feel safe knowing that I don’t have to turn round and go home again and double check. I knew I had packed my suit as that was the whole reason for using a suitcase instead of my sports bag, but couldn’t remember if I’d packed my black shoes. My diary and notebook along with some pens were in the front pocket (you never know when you’ll need them), I remembered putting my hairbrush, deodorant and toothbrush in, but couldn’t remember if I’d put clean underpants and socks in. Eventually it got the better of me and I had a suitcase inspection when the train was about three stops from Middlesbrough, I had remembered everything except a black tie. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten to pack one, I’d forgotten to buy one in advance. My brother Jack was picking me up when he finished work, so I had about forty minutes to kill and that involved buying a tie from somewhere. Middlesbrough isn’t too bad for shopping but I had a mental block about where I could possibly buy a plain black funeral tie until I remembered Marks and Spencer.

The idea of going into M&S when it wasn’t Christmas was at the back of my mind, maybe they would register my face on the CCTV and not let me in during December as I’d have used my once a year working class visitor pass for 2014. I needn’t have worried though as I spotted a branch of Primark and decided to try in there, even if I only got one wear out of it before it fell apart, as long as it lasted the duration of tomorrow it would be fine. In fact, I had planned to wear the tie for the funeral, keep the receipt and the bag and take it back for a refund. This plan would alleviate the guilt of having shopped at Primark in the first place, and allow me one of life’s little victories. As it turned out they had a rather nice tie which I’ve decided to keep, although it might fall apart. Primark usually specialise in disposable clothing but this tie looked okay and I liked the style; thin and designed to look like a 1960s woolen tie.

I’m staying with my brother and sister-in-law for this short visit, and their adorable Labrador puppy Lennon. After hanging up my suit and having a guided tour of their new house we had dinner before heading out. They always meet up with my mum and her husband on a Monday night for a pub quiz, and had decided to go rather than sitting at home dreading the funeral tomorrow. We lost, but at least we did it with honour as most of the tables had at least one member on the phone trying not to look as though they were Googling.

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