Monday the eighth of April, the day that Margaret Thatcher died, would have been the 117th birthday of Edgar Yipsel 'Yip' Harburg. He was an American lyricist who wrote the songs from The Wizard Of Oz, including (you can see where I'm going I take it?) 'Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead'. Not only is this the best coincidence in the world, but it is a fact that I wish I had known when planning my radio show on Sunday, as I could have played that song in tribute to him. If someone had been able to steer the attention away from the anti-Thatcher campaign for a minute, and set up the cover story that the reason everyone is downloading the song is to pay tribute to its writer, then maybe the BBC would have played it.

I loved the story about Justin Beiber writing in the guest book at the Anne Frank Museum that Anne Frank would have been a 'Bielieber'. As was pointed out by Caitlin Moran, Michael Jackson wasn't that crackers at twice Bieber's age. It is obvious that he is heading towards the levels of lunacy enjoyed by people who are surrounded by people on the payroll who are terrified to take their boss to one side and gently advise them that they are acting like a bell end. Jackson was firmly in that category, as is Simon Cowell, and if I'm honest, I'd love to spend some time there. Maybe not permanently, but just to see what it is like to live in a bubble and have absolutely no idea what is going on in the outside world. There should be a service where you can spend time in that life, going around acting like a prize knobber simply because you can. I've always said that if I won the Lottery, (which I never will as I don't take part), I would go into a really posh china ornament shop and pay for every item in there, plus a little extra for the fixtures and fittings before taking a baseball bat out and smashing the place up. Admit it, if you've read that line, you are now wondering how unbelievably fucking cool that would be! I'd also buy a train and kit it out like the Royal train and live on it, as you could move around as often as you wanted and visit anywhere you wanted without the twin ball ache of sorting travel and accommodation. Plus, I'd be allowed to smoke. Also, just to be really awkward I would go to the toilet while the train is in the station, because I've always wanted to see what would happen if you did that.

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