The above picture was made for me by my girlfriend Mandi, who has far more patience than I have, to celebrate today being the day we have all been waiting for. Unfortunately, changing your profile picture on Twitter is impossible so I was unable to have this on there. I then tried to have it as my 'header' picture, and only managed to delete the one that was there to start with. I'm not an old man, but I figure at 36 years old I don't have enough of my life left to spend it fucking around on such an arduous ball-ache of a job. For that reason, I still have my old Twitter avatar, with no background picture. Sadly, I managed to change my profile picture on Facebook with the greatest of ease, which is a pity seeing as Facebook is largely redundant these days, a fact demonstrated by the complete lack of acknowledgement for the fact that I'd not only changed my profile picture for the first time in years, but for such an arty one.

Last night, I fell asleep on the sofa at around half seven, and woke up just after midnight. This is more sleep in one go than I usually manage, but the caveat was that I couldn't get back to sleep. During my big sleep, I dreamt that we had a party at our house, and I was in the kitchen with a group of people I didn't recognise, they offered me a cigarette and I was intrigued to see that they were a brand new type of cigarette altogether. I still smoke in my dreams, one of the many reasons why my dreams are better than reality. The cigarettes were double pronged, so you were effectively smoking two at the same time, the selling point being that if you have to go outside in the cold to smoke, you might as well get two in while you're out. I imagine that if you took a drag, the two ends would burn away evenly. This is what it looked like...

I'm not an artist

It wasn't until I drew this crude sketch that I spotted the flaws. First of all, I'm not sure that the cigarette manufacturers would be allowed to make such a thing these days, given that the government want to stop people smoking, (I wonder where the money they take in taxes will come from when the very last smoker in the country gives up/dies). Maybe in the black and white days, when you could smoke anywhere you liked I would have been on to something. The other flaws are design based; how are the two ends connecting with the filter tip? I suppose someone will find a way, but my biggest problem would be how to package them. They wouldn't fit in a traditional cigarette packet would they? You could maybe buy them individually, but you haven't been able to buy single cigarettes since I was at school.

During this party, I went to bed for a lie down, and turned on my bedside radio to listen to Family Guy. In my dream Family Guy was a radio play! This happens to me when I fall asleep in front of the telly, whatever is being broadcast filters in. Of course we weren't watching BBC3 from the point I fell asleep, I had set the telly to change channels when Family Guy came on, I don't watch anything else on that ridiculous channel. I came downstairs to discover that the party guests had all gone home at about eight o'clock, and Mandi and someone else were tidying up. For them to have all gone at eight, I must have been pretty quick off the mark with my need for a kip.

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