It isn’t very often that I do the cooking in our house, and today was an example of why. It is because I like to have some idea of what I’m doing and have everything planned to the last detail. Mandi had asked if I would cook dinner in return for her doing the dishes, as I had gone to HMV to see the live music and wasn’t supposed to be home until about half past six. It turned out that there wasn’t a gig at HMV this week so I arrived home a little earlier than I had expected and was able to make a start on a sausage casserole.

The idea behind my having a turn in the kitchen was to allow Mandi to relax a bit; it turned out to be her least relaxing experience of the week thanks to her half-arsed preparation instructions. While frying onions and garlic in a pan I asked what the next step was, (I’ve never cooked this dish before) and she informed me that I need to add the strips of bacon. This meant that while I was being careful to make sure I didn’t overdo the onions, which had to be transparent but not browned, I had to cut the rashers of bacon into strips using kitchen scissors that have had a very distant relationship with the sharpener resulting in me resorting to ripping the bacon up with my hands to save a lot of time. I would have had the bacon cut up and waiting in a bowl for its turn to be included in the meal before I had even turned on the oven. This became the theme of the meal, that I not only had to add things to it, but I had to track them down in the kitchen first. This is the difference between men and women demonstrated right there, and at the risk of being branded sexist I’ll sum it up in one word; logic.

It’s the same with shopping, I make a list and stick to it and therefore know exactly where I need to go for each item. Mandi writes a list and uses it as a rough guide so still ends up buying things that aren’t on the list.

Mandi isn’t the worst person I’ve lived with when it comes to this kind of behavior; I once lived with a woman who stored toilet rolls in the kitchen cupboard. I won’t go into why that’s a bad idea and will instead leave it to your imagination.

After all the cooking shenanigans, I was supposed to have recorded this week’s edition of The Sound of Nottingham UK as we’re going out tomorrow. I got all the music together but couldn’t be arsed when it came to it and have opted to do it before we go out instead. After everything I have said about organisation too!

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